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[08 Jul 2006|12:09pm] Letting ya'll know, or those of you who care. This journal will self distruct in 7 days. the new place to be : creme_de_coca yup that's the new me. Those that don't reconnect I'm sure I loved you at some moment in time, and those that do follow i love you all the more. peace. your jenna *1 shining star twinkle*

[19 Jun 2006|09:18pm] [ mood | exhausted ] I regained consciousness around 3:30 this afternoon. Woke to the numbness. It turned out that I had started to wake up in the process and they had to give me another shot of sleepy juice. I was nearly and hour after I woke up that I first stood, and attempted to walk. Pain at the moment a definite 9.6 The pain kills have almost completely worn off. And I rejected the pills they wanted to give. I'm sure some think that was pretty stupid, but fuck the job is done. I'm SO done. I had to tell henry I was talking a shower, just so I could finally break down. I don't know what excuse I'll use later. fuck it. *twinkle*

no.joke.times.three. [19 Jun 2006|09:12am] [ mood | concerned ] [ music | his.snoring. ] Last night he asked me if I would drop everything and go away with him. No joke. I said how far? No joke? He said any place from here to Vancouver. No joke. And how close? No joke. Closest would be Arcadia. No joke. Can I think about it I said? No joke. Of course baby. No joke. So we already had a problem with the schedule, one that I fixed, only to find out that this morning there was no problem and this person wants her shifts back. Poop, because I need the money. I am also going under anesthesia for the first time in my life a bit freaked out about that. I was told I could be out for 2-4 hours. I hadn’t looked at it was a loss of time but at the moment I do. *twinkle*

[17 Jun 2006|08:06pm] [ mood | bouncy ] So Haley informed me that a certain someone has a certain management title at a certain coffee society. Henry tells me that a certain someone is taking over a certain coffee society. With these two bits of information. Life just got extremely interesting. *twinkle*

[15 Jun 2006|08:47pm] Last night a dear sweet boy made me dinner. Chicken alfredo, caesar salad, with home-made croutons and garlic bread. He had a hell of a time pulling dinner together but it paid off in my respects. I definitely enjoyed watching him rush around and set the table, it was another first. We discussed my next tattoos. Yes I'm addicted. We both agreed a lorax behind the left ear would be kick ass. This is why things between us work! I don't know it's so entertaining, to see him. I have yet to really be bored. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. I don't know if I'm falling for him, but I do know that this is a first and I do plan to see what can happen. I just hope he doesn't under estimate the amount of patience I might need from him. now. today. this month and so it goes. Now to learn how to spend time apart. *2 shining stars twinkle*

Infestation [05 Jun 2006|06:28pm] I was so mad yesterday morning. I woke to find my self covered in little black dots, and I was itching every corner of my body. Fleas. Bryan's can't is an indoor and outdoor cat, so she is the only one who could have brought the bastards in. My comforter was infested, I guess after the fleas attracted my cat through the carpet, she went haywire with irritation. She scratched the shit out one section of my comforter and the fleas found it to be proper breeding ground. It took my 23hrs to wash all of my drapes, clothes, sheets, and coats. Afterward I took an 1 1/2 shower to take off a layer of skin and and then proceeded to scrub the shit out of my hair. I infected him, a little bit :/ but hopefully no one else. I won't be home for a bit to make sure we get majority of it taken care of. The problem is there is so much shit in the house and we might miss just 5 and then we are stuck with a nest. Why can't my room-mate thing a little bit more, it's been raining, you can't walks all over. And no front-line or collar or anything. I have 63 bites or my right now, I feel like I've got the chickenpox. Covered in red dots.... *twinkle*

boop boop be doop. whata luck goil [29 May 2006|09:44pm] This weekend has been so wonderful, the weather exquisite. Friday night I didn't go home. Saturday morning I worked and was luckily informed by a customer that there was a Mushroom Festival going on in Morgan Hill. Thus sparking an idea in the mind of a boy, we should go and drive on through to Carmel. It was decided. The trip began rather late nearly 7pm, the roads were clear the skies aswell and everything felt good. We passed the festival by with laughter, fuck it, the road is too tempting. Stopped at Reservation in Marina, watched how quickly the sun would drop that evening and shared a deep sunset kiss. Then strangely enough visited my mother, at her house. He fell in love, and continued to be overwhelmed by every room. Till her witnessed the garden, that is where is jaw fell. Though out the house he would take note of all of my younger pictures, pointing out that my present beauty was a long time coming. I can't help but blush. He talks with my mother, they communicate. They share authors. Drink our mugs till the last drop and hug ado. By the timing of our arrive to the Carmel coast, it was nearly 10, all of the inn's were either occupied or closed. We resided at a beach at the base of the hill, open, till midnight, we laughed, talked about sex, and the past. It was an honor. Shortly after we traded seats in the car and set back for home. At home, we found the neighbors to be wide awake, and figured what they hell lets have a drink. I made a line of sex shots. Downed them in order. We shared cigarettes and a few other things and passed away in bed. This morning. Woke to another beautiful blue. The plan was to return. After another easy drive, we landed on Cannery Row. Walked the streets for a bit, no really destination. Then our minds and stomached chimed there requests for nurishment. About face. The Wharf was calling people in with dozens of tantalizing chowders and shellfish. Cotton candy. Salt water taffy. Any flavor. Whatcha want? We planted ourselves at Abalonetti. Perfect. Enjoyed a meal they way one should. Any mean attained and consumed in under and hour. Is not dedicated to food. starve. After a pair of smokes, we turned to the sweets, a couple lollis for practice, some taffy for that girl, and jawbreakers cause...well cause. We returned to the car, unloaded. The Aquarium, a place I hadn't experience in nearly 6 years. I did today, I got to be kissed in ever exhibit and held in front of my favorite tank. The Jellies. Two and a half hours later, we sealed the show with a kiss from the otters. Walking back up Cannery Row, he chose to by me a root beer float, form Ghiradelli. Quaint. And delicious. Upon returning to the car my mother places a call to me. Inviting us to join her at lovers point. We do. We have our moments. Kisses, shells. Hugs, pebbles. Stares, braces. We trade places in the car again, and return home. Yea my weekend was all of that, and more. *2 shining stars twinkle*

[21 May 2006|06:16pm] I've glad it rained today, I was beginning to get in-wrapped in a dream, and yet the rain granted me this realistic dream instead. I've been a bit caught up lately, the phrase "swept off my feet" comes to mind. I've been a very social girl, meeting a lot of people not just hear but from the cities dotting in the North and East Bay and some from the city. Each hospitable and gracious. Strange. Some of them are old friends choosing to connect after many years.. I'm curious why do we bother? Not to seem rude, but honestly isn't the always a reason why the connection went sour? And if not hasn't so much time passe that is nearly becomes irrelevant? I'm running in circles. I'm starting to wonder if my head has finally become to crowded...clouded. Men. Boys. what have you. Tricky, must handle with care, watch, observe. I've been rather discussed by guys lately (and no this isn't a particular rant of how I hate the opposite sex, because I don't I adore them). Honestly though, most of the boys I know haven't changed since I've met them with a few minor details, and the boy/men that are actually going ...anywhere just don't seem to give a shit about experiencing life. You talk about some infamous book, they go abbbbbuuuuuu, or some hit black and white movie. Talk about who beat the last level in Zelda and your a fool for not knowing ever character present in the level. Men say they can't win with girls, well at least something is equal in America. *twinkle*

Beaches of Spontinaity [05 May 2006|01:06am] [ music | her.space.holiday. ] The beach is so relaxing, I enjoyed it yesterday when it was foggy with stevie, we had fun making music and having a photo shoot( if I figure out how to shrink the pictures maybe I'll post them.) Then I took in a sweet sunset this evening by myself in a cove. Both days the beach seemed so much more blissful at the lands edges then it does here at the base of this ridge tonight. But I'm sure tomorrow will be beautiful too. *twinkle*

[07 Mar 2006|01:27pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | .let's.make.love.soundtrack. ] Cori you rule! I never thought I would see the day that I owned a record with Marilyn Monroe singing 'My Heart Belong To Daddy'. And of corse it's cool, cause Cole Porter wrote it!! *1 shining star twinkle*

[01 Mar 2006|12:33am] [ music | .your.song. ] It sucks I only seem to write shit in my journal these days.... I think I'll check back when I have good stuff..... Look out March here we are. *1 shining star twinkle*

[29 Jan 2006|05:43pm] I get the feeling I'm in trouble. I've never broken a heart... to my knowledge... *twinkle*

[24 Jan 2006|01:38pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | bloc.party.positive.tension. ] I woke up this morning feeling very stressed out and in pain. I walked out of the house choosing to ignore anything I was thinking of when I woke up. It didn't matter and I had to get on with my day. But I guess that wasn't enough, I had to have other things thrown at me. Accusations about my last job, from the current owner came to me from a friend today, and I'm still trying to call myself down about it. My "friends" have been choosing to leave me out of things, maybe not so much choosing but forgetting I'm even there? Of course you don't call a girl a bit for walking out the door and not acknowledging you, if you did the same 10 seconds before. I'm getting very irritated by the social scene in my life right now. And I'm wishing I had the balls to say fuck you all I'm out. Who knows maybe the final push will be tomorrow. It's interesting how the most intelligent people in your life turn into the most childish and non-confrontational. I'm sorry, but did I ask for this bullshit? *checking records* no, not to my recollection. *2 shining stars twinkle*

[23 Jan 2006|09:29pm] [ mood | lonely ] I lost alot of faith in the human race today. *twinkle*

[20 Jan 2006|11:22pm] [ mood | crappy ] Why can't we help but take life for granted? *2 shining stars twinkle*

I'm really trying not to be depressed [13 Jan 2006|11:18pm] [ mood | & sore ] [ music | jake.cullum.I.only.have.eyes.for.you. ] I got hit by a car. Launched a few feet. Yesterday at 6 pm. Leaving De Anza Campus. I filed a report. The bitch drove off. Fuck stupid people. You'll get yours. In the mean time. I sit here and watch my ass turn purple. From the slam to the asphalt. Found street residue in my ears. And endure the frozen right side of my body. It took me nearly 20 mins to type this. *10 shining stars twinkle*

I just wanted it to be you so badly [10 Jan 2006|02:39pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | .ramsey lewis. ] I've realized recently, the undoubtable flaw in my current position. I was quickly falling for him, truly. He makes me feel like a woman, like my skin in priceless. He talks about me to my face which is a rarity in most human beings. I can say I love him, and if I had let this progress would be in love with him, and a completely different person at the same time. I've cried about this already. That for now I have to let him go, help him stand up straight and tall from the sidelines. I'm not going to be the one to make this change for him in the end. It's his choice to take my responses and either use them for his personal gain or deny himself. I hope he can understand that this is somethng I had no intention of doing, and it hurts ever so much to have to do it now. I do love him. I do. *2 shining stars twinkle*

[03 Jan 2006|11:08pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | .devendra.bandhart. ] I spent all day talking to doctors, trying to figure out how to better my situation. The doctors say that if surgery is necessary I will have to go under anesthesia and be kept in the hospital for 2-4 days. Then she informed me that it would take 4-6 weeks for me to recover to a comfortable state.. . so in essence I can't go job hunting till this is over? I mean I get the job that I would need to pay for this entire deal, attempt to go to school at the same time. Then I have to quit my job to possibly go through this process, and attempt to finish school, then find another job. Yea right. I feel really fucked at the moment. Like I really don't have an option but to wait for some over worked doctor to call me letting know when then have time to examine me. I can't eat anything with out feeling nauseated afterward. I have to pee all of the time, I'm constantly thirsty and loosing more weight. I've already past out twice, first time luckily at a friends house. I was standing outside with a couple of friends smoking a cigarette when my legs when numb, I lost all feeling in my body and watched my friends tune out of vision like a tv. I came to pretty much right away but I couldn't feel my limbs for nearly an hour. The second time I had just gotten home from eating dinner, and I couldn't hold the food down I headed straight for the toilet, after I vomited and then past out momentarily again. Bryan wasn't home. The pain is hard to ignore. I'm putting up more of a face now then when was going through puberty. I feel just like a child. You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 80% reason-oriented. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com *2 shining stars twinkle*

[24 Dec 2005|12:42am] Oddly enough for the last could of days I've had a rollercoaster of physical pains, I have been brought back into the world by the help of a beautiful boy. I'm very amazed at the spontaneity of the situation. I've pretty much just been an acquaintance to him for nearly a year. And after one night of comfort, I've been enwrapped. This isn't something I do, people I'm interested in I always get to know a bit before making any further attempts to pursue. Honestly that first morning after being in his company for more then 14 hours, I was concerned that I was being mest with. For the first time in my life, I confronted it promptly. I said if it was a game that was ok, not my first choice but I would understand. And from the get go he denied it's possibility.   I think I'm still glowing *twinkle*

[18 Dec 2005|11:34pm] [ mood | .unhappy. ] [ music | .beck. ] I feel poisoned. Like I've got some illness that can be mended by the simple every day lives of others. Any like they simply don't car. for the last week I have been telling people of my current torturous experiences and not one of them have giving me the caring response I would expect from these amazing people. It honestly hurts. THat I have amazing creditability for these people. I see all of the good they possess and continue to possess. And attempt to allow them to realize it. I can't even attempt to tell each of them there signifigance to me. It's completely impossible. They can't understand that if one of their lives ceased to exist, my life would be over. period. And you wouldn't think that would be hard to reconize. Apparently it is. I don't understand people recognition. Things that people choose to accept and deny. They can except that I will always be there and tend to them in my own way, but when the wheels spin, and it's my turn to be tended too... it's seems heartless. It could be my high expectations of the people around me who make my world. I have such high regard for the people I put in my life. Otherwise they straight up wouldn't be there. no doubt. My issuses rely on the fact that I have the hardest time giving up on people. I trust them to much. I love them to much. I accept them and there defining flaws way to easily. It's my flaw and my obsession. It's irresitable to me and unaccepatble to allow people to work on there own. Every one need help, there is always some one who needs you. Someone who need something. That is something to count on. I have kept myself out of the dating game. Crushes of course were formed but only one attempt in the last 3 years of my life has been signifigant enough to attempt to proceed upon, and of course it didn't work. Dating is not something for me, i get to bored being in one place. And it takes an extraordinary personality to coinside with that, my worry is that I don't know if it ever exists. I request things from life, and inturn the people that are in my life. And I need to learn to give up on those that can't fufill that for me. Because that only leaves the opinion in place. That I am temporarily weakened by the people I allow to bring me to a place that I can't progress from. So hear it is my darlings. The sad truth. that I have to let people go. It will bring many tear filled nights and many depressive states, that hopefully I can proceed to recover from. It's over. And so comes the beginning. *1 shining star twinkle*

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