I feel poisoned.

Like I've got some illness that can be mended by the simple every day lives of others.

Any like they simply don't car. for the last week I have been telling people of my current torturous experiences and not one of them have giving me the caring response I would expect from these amazing people. It honestly hurts. THat I have amazing creditability for these people. I see all of the good they possess and continue to possess. And attempt to allow them to realize it.

I can't even attempt to tell each of them there signifigance to me. It's completely impossible. They can't understand that if one of their lives ceased to exist, my life would be over. period. And you wouldn't think that would be hard to reconize. Apparently it is.

I don't understand people recognition.

Things that people choose to accept and deny. They can except that I will always be there and tend to them in my own way, but when the wheels spin, and it's my turn to be tended too... it's seems heartless. It could be my high expectations of the people around me who make my world.

I have such high regard for the people I put in my life. Otherwise they straight up wouldn't be there. no doubt. My issuses rely on the fact that I have the hardest time giving up on people. I trust them to much. I love them to much. I accept them and there defining flaws way to easily. It's my flaw and my obsession. It's irresitable to me and unaccepatble to allow people to work on there own.

Every one need help, there is always some one who needs you. Someone who need something. That is something to count on.

I have kept myself out of the dating game. Crushes of course were formed but only one attempt in the last 3 years of my life has been signifigant enough to attempt to proceed upon, and of course it didn't work. Dating is not something for me, i get to bored being in one place. And it takes an extraordinary personality to coinside with that, my worry is that I don't know if it ever exists.

I request things from life, and inturn the people that are in my life. And I need to learn to give up on those that can't fufill that for me. Because that only leaves the opinion in place. That I am temporarily weakened by the people I allow to bring me to a place that I can't progress from.

So hear it is my darlings. The sad truth. that I have to let people go. It will bring many tear filled nights and many depressive states, that hopefully I can proceed to recover from.

It's over.

And so comes the beginning.